Seizing What Could Be
I take it for granted. I have no shame anymore. I can walk into every situation and disclose that I stutter without regard for the response. I’m not arrogant. I’m honoring the journey that it took to get here. Self-disclosure is not unique to stuttering but an invaluable skill that we must learn to attain social competency.
The ease of stuttering in front of new people is unsettling, as if it was more comfortable to do so with the expectation of someone laughing. It no longer feels like anyone will laugh or negatively react, and I don’t anticipate or expect it either. The unsettling nature comes from bracing for its impact for
Perhaps I have not read enough of the available academic research done on stuttering to date, or that which I have read has not been as accessible as Knowledge Without Action Means Nothing: Stakeholder Insights on the Behaviors that Constitute Positive Change for Adults Who Stutter conducted by Dr. Naomi Rodgers and Dr. Hope Gerlach-Houck. As I
The urgency to live life to its fullest, to do the most that we can with the time that we’re lucky enough to receive, seems more urgent to someone like myself who lives with stuttering. This is the case because as superb writer at The Atlantic John Hendrickson proclaims we who stutter live our lives on delay until we
The Well Each day takes its fillSome moreSome lessOthers, too much. Each cup starts fullThen goes down the bottomless hatchQuenchinglife and progress. When we go back to the WellTime in time againWhat remains lessensAbsorbing without refilling. The Well knowsBut the bucket doesn’t— The bucket receives less and less,The drinker only droplets until nothing. Leave the
“When I first started, I wasn’t comfortable at all doing interviews. I’ve kind of gotten to a point where I just don’t care. If I do an interview, and I have a stutter and then I have to see a lot of things online where people say I say ‘then’ and ‘like’ a lot but
It was more of a feeling I noticed rather than a moment. I was stuttering through situations that had once paralyzed my thoughts in fear without friction. I wasn’t struggling. I didn’t avoid anything. There weren’t any maladaptive side effects to recover from, like what should have been exhaustion from open stuttering more than usual.
“Paper or plastic, sir?” asked the cashier, a middle-aged woman with a friendly face. I stumble a bit, struggling for a few seconds on plastic. It was just enough for me to get a smirk, a thought the woman had about why it took me so long to answer such a simple question. I could’ve
“I’m not sure what’s happening here…” my instructor said pointing to the tears welling up in his eyes. He failed to suppress the enormity of the moment. A middle aged, burly, and strong looking man was shaken to his core by my question. I’ve been taking a class much like Toastmasters to work on my public speaking. The
With the end of most of the mask mandates, I am confronting an uncomfortable reality—showing my stuttering, again. I hadn’t anticipated the fear and anxiety of doing so after over two years of hiding. The gut-punch landed and left me scurrying to find my bearings. It isn’t that I care what people think of how my
Every Waking Moment 