Seizing What Could Be
Moments of stuttering are ever present in my mind from over 20 years ago. The feelings, emotions, and aftershock of each still vibrate through my mind and body, usually outside of my control. These are the imprints of stuttering that have lasted, impeded my life, and those that I’ve focused on to smooth over their
The Lead Up I was thinking about it, yet I knew I was going to do it. There was no question that I wouldn’t, which in the many years leading up to the moment I hadn’t been so sure of myself. This was the difference—no hesitation. I waited patiently as the father of the bride,
Today, I will stand before an audience of over 100 people and deliver the best man speech at my brother’s wedding. Let this reality sink, and realize before it happens that it will be an earthquake moment in my life. A moment that, for many, many years, I have feared and thought impossible. But, one
“Hi, I’m looking for D…D…D…David.” “Excuse me, sir. Who did you say?” “D…Da..Da…David, please.” I was at the car dealership yesterday to buy out my lease. I didn’t hesitate when I stepped up to the receptionist to ask for David, the car salesman I was there to meet. I walked through the door and asked,
I take it for granted. I have no shame anymore. I can walk into every situation and disclose that I stutter without regard for the response. I’m not arrogant. I’m honoring the journey that it took to get here. Self-disclosure is not unique to stuttering but an invaluable skill that we must learn to attain social competency.
The ease of stuttering in front of new people is unsettling, as if it was more comfortable to do so with the expectation of someone laughing. It no longer feels like anyone will laugh or negatively react, and I don’t anticipate or expect it either. The unsettling nature comes from bracing for its impact for
Perhaps I have not read enough of the available academic research done on stuttering to date, or that which I have read has not been as accessible as Knowledge Without Action Means Nothing: Stakeholder Insights on the Behaviors that Constitute Positive Change for Adults Who Stutter conducted by Dr. Naomi Rodgers and Dr. Hope Gerlach-Houck. As I
The urgency to live life to its fullest, to do the most that we can with the time that we’re lucky enough to receive, seems more urgent to someone like myself who lives with stuttering. This is the case because as superb writer at The Atlantic John Hendrickson proclaims we who stutter live our lives on delay until we
The Well Each day takes its fillSome moreSome lessOthers, too much. Each cup starts fullThen goes down the bottomless hatchQuenchinglife and progress. When we go back to the WellTime in time againWhat remains lessensAbsorbing without refilling. The Well knowsBut the bucket doesn’t— The bucket receives less and less,The drinker only droplets until nothing. Leave the
“When I first started, I wasn’t comfortable at all doing interviews. I’ve kind of gotten to a point where I just don’t care. If I do an interview, and I have a stutter and then I have to see a lot of things online where people say I say ‘then’ and ‘like’ a lot but
Every Waking Moment 